


Mortal Enemies and Drinking Pals

by lesbianshibs



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: AU - Kyoutani didn't go to Aoba Johsai, Eye emoji x2, It's from his POV lkjhgfds, It's kinda like.. barely shipping tbh, M/M, Not Beta Read, Teacher AU, Teacher Kyoutani Kentarou, Teacher Yahaba Shigeru, They just hate each other, Yahaba Shigeru-centric, also for au purposes hehehhee, but they do fall in love in this timeline so, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:08:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24785146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbianshibs/pseuds/lesbianshibs
Summary: Happy (late) Kyouhaba day!-Yahaba Shigeru decided he hated Kyoutani Kentarou within 28.67 seconds of knowing him.
Relationships: Kyoutani Kentarou/Yahaba Shigeru
Comments: 2
Kudos: 92





	Mortal Enemies and Drinking Pals

**Author's Note:**

> EDIT ON 01/07/2021: 
> 
> Hey guys!! I just edited up some stuff I regretted with this :D 
> 
> \- Fixed some spelling/grammar  
> \- Shaved off 2k of useless stuff that impeded what i wanted originally  
> \- Added some more dialogue between the two  
> \- Tweaked the ending a bit so there could be a potential second chapter, if the inspiration comes about

12th of March, the end of the third term. The annual Yoketsu High spring formal.  _ The perfect time for revenge.  _   
  
Yahaba Shigeru is the youngest teacher in his school board with tenure, with a full register of classes and an award winning volleyball team to coach. Except for one  _ tiny _ wrench in his oh-so-perfect life, he was doing great. 

That wrench was named Kyoutani Kentarou. That  _ motherfucker.  _

That guy had been a freshman teacher for barely a year and half and he’d already ticked Yahaba off more times then he could count on both his hands. Between backhanded compliments, tripping each other in the halls and  _ countless  _ petty pranks… they’d eventually come to be known as the school’s mortal enemies. And the students were absolutely loving it. They were constantly egging them on and choosing sides, with the third years taken an extra interest in it. Yahaba was planning on using those exact kids against his fellow teacher.

Ten graduating students had been plotting the most harmless, yet  _ embarrassing _ prank that would haunt Mr.Kyoutani for all of eternity. The plan was simple. First: anonymity. Yahaba had signed up for all the same supervisor shifts as Kyoutani. There’d be  _ no _ way for him to pull off a major prank when he’d be right there in the same room sitting pretty all night. Right? Wrong. Yahaba would act as a distraction all night, then lie and tell the other teacher there was a reported fight in the west hallway. Kyoutani, who’s an expert at stopping brawls, would rush over to stop the commotion! Then, one of the conspiring students would turn the corner and ‘accidentally’ drop liquid glucose all over him. After he’d regained his bearings, another student would pull the same stunt and drop pounds of glitter on the man. They’d slap a note saying ‘happy spring formal’ on his chest in Yahaba’s scrawled cursive lettering and  _ bolt  _ from the scene of the crime. He had 12 different contingency plans. It was supposed to be perfect.    
  
So when the 12th of March arrived, Yahaba’s veins were thrumming with adrenaline all day. His time came for his grande lie, hands shaking with excitement as he reached for the door handle. He found Kyoutani crying in the hallway. Silent tears slowly streaking across his skin, eyebrows scrunched together and a violent scowl twisted into his face.   
  
They made eye contact across the hall.   
  
The speed at which Kyoutani hung up and shoved his phone away rivaled that of Yahaba’s 5:30am coffee shot. The blond frantically wiped his tears away, and slammed his back into the nearby lockers as if that would awaken him from whatever stupor he was in. He crossed his arms and looked away, acting like he hadn’t been caught emotionally red handed. Yahaba could slowly feel his perfect scheme slip down the drain. He couldn’t go through with it. He’s a bitch, not a bully! He knew not to beat someone when they were down.   
“East hallway.” Yahaba’s voice cracked, echoing into the empty space.   
  
Kyoutanti’s head snapped up.   
  
“Uhm… East hallway. The stairwell is always empty during events. Me and Hanamaki can cover for you.” The taller boy grumbled. 

  
“It’s just family stuff.” Kyoutani whispered, acting like he needed justification.

  
“Okay.” Yahaba nearly whispered, holding eye contact. Neither of them moved a muscle.    
  
Without saying anything, the man pushed himself away from the lockers and made his way down the hall. Towards the east stairwell. Yahaba stood there. 

Did he build this up all month for nothing? Just for it to fall apart so easily? Maybe Kyoutani figured out his plan and was just trying to get out of it.  _ Gah,  _ no. He wouldn’t cry in front of anyone just to get out of a silly prank, the way he’s built he probably hasn’t cried since the day he was born. Yahaba sighed and scuffed his old dress shoe against the floor. Unfortunately, it seemed that Yahaba had morals today. Just barely. Maybe,  _ just maybe,  _ he’d grown to enjoy his petty banter with the other man throughout the year. Maybe he didn’t want to cause Kyoutani’s ultimate untimely demise, and instead… just cause his slight inconveniences at awkward times. Either way, he had a prank to reschedule. He started a jog down to the west side of the building, the opposite way Koyutani went. He had to tell the kids about… the  _ recent _ developments. 

“Hey guys, we gotta-”

Yahaba felt a glob of  _ warm  _ sticky glucose drop onto his head, almost in slow motion. As the liquid began to slide through his hair, coating each and every strand, the teacher took a moment to send a quick prayer up to God. Asking him to fuck off. He couldn’t handle this today. The slow drop of glucose turned into a waterfall and all of a sudden he was completely doused with an entire bucket of glucose. Luckily, he was able to shriek loud enough to prevent the glitter from being thrown. What the fuck.

“Oh my God,  _ sensei _ we are so-” 

Yahaba held up a finger. The student snapped her jaw shut hard enough to break the metal braces adorning her teeth. Yahaba counted to ten mentally, breathing in… then out, letting his mind calm slowly. He hated getting angry at his students, so this  _ small  _ internal exercise recommended by his therapist came into play quite often. The students waited in fear, frozen in place from their teacher’s outburst. Yahaba slowly reached up to wipe a giant glob of clear slime from his eyes, allowing him to see. Then slowly but surely, Yahaba raised his hands, plopping them down the nearest student’s shoulders.

“Prank over. Pack it up. Tell the others.” Yahaba said calmly, voice slightly shaking. He whipped around, not providing any further explanation before stomping down the hallway. Why did Kyoutani choose to have feelings at this exact moment in time? Couldn’t he wait until the new school year and let him have his night of fun? It’s almost like there was an evil fucking diety hovering over him, giving him one night of bad karma to make up for being a bitch his whole life. Yahaba lifted an arm up to push the top layer of glucose off his head. He needs to go take a shower with his suit on before getting in his car. Fuck.

-

“Yahaba?” 

The tall man froze. His eyes lifted up, reading the small sign above the door.  _ East entrance.  _ He slowly dragged his eyes back down to the front steps. Kyoutani.

“Why the fuck are you wet?” 

Yahaba awkwardly shifted, a wet squelch sounding from his shoe. Hmph. If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. Yahaba plopped down next to the other teacher, leaning back on his elbows. He didn’t really care that the stairs were sorta digging into his back, he just wanted to look cool enough to distract from the dripping sludge pouring from the creases of his suit. The glucose was still coating the fabric disgustingly. 

  
“Don’t ask,” Yahaba sighed, leaning back further and closing his eyes. 

“Oh  _ now  _ you want a truce?” His coworker snickered lightly.   
  
“Shut it” Yahaba snapped back.   
  
“Was that part of a prank for me? Cause I didn’t plan jack shit tonight,” Kyoutani asked, reaching down to dig in his pocket. He waited a few moments before huffing. “I’ll take the silence as a yes.”   
  
“You can take it as a maybe.” Yahaba grunted.    
  
“I can take it however I wanna take it, you-” Kyoutani bit out, gnashing his teeth as he yanked a pack of camel blue cigarettes from his pocket.

  
“Ugh, shut  _ up _ . Yes it was, are you happy now? I told you my thing, you tell me yours.” Yahaba cut him off, keeping a cool composure and not raising his voice. Usually he liked winning these petty banter sessions by riling up the competition, but he didn’t feel too good about it this time.    
  
“What? You barely explained yours, idiot.” The blond man complained, dropping a single smoke into his palm. 

“I was gonna have the kids dump glucose and glitter on you. But I’m not fuckin’ blind, so I went to call them off the case for tonight. It didn’t go well. Obviously. They dumped the first bucket before they noticed who I was. I took a quick dip in the gym’s showers to get the sticky off before I drove home. Better?” Yahaba sighed, arching an eyebrow up and hoping he looked mildly annoyed. “Those are gross, by the way. You’re ruining your body.”

“Good enough, I guess,” Kyoutani grunted, flicking open his lighter. “And don’t fucking test me, I’ve had a rough night. Now guess.”

“Guess what!?” Yahaba protested loudly.

“My thing. I guessed yours right first try, it’s only fair that you do it too.” Kyoutani mumbled out as he placed the cigarette between his lips.   
  
“E-excuse me?” Yahaba stammered, pushing himself upright. “Yours is a _personal_ situation!? Don’t be stupid, I’m not stepping over that line.”

Kyoutani lit the stick in his mouth and slid the lighter away. He took in a deep breath, lungs expanding fully and holding the air there so he could reach up and remove the cigarette from his teeth, before blowing out a long stream of smoke. Yahaba couldn’t help but watch how Kyoutani’s fingers deftly maneuvered the cigarette over his knuckles to tap the excess ash on the ground.    
  
“The family dog died.”   
  
Okay, well. That wasn’t what Yahaba expected.

  
“Your… dog died?”   
  
“Yeah,” Kyoutani curled his legs in towards himself, resting his chin on his knees and ignoring how his cigarette pressed into his fancy dress socks. “Her name was Tina. She was a sweetheart, always full of energy and sass. Chocolate labradoodle. I’m pretty sure she was a boy dog, but my little nephew David got his hands on her. Declared her princess of the family. She seemed happy about it, so who am I to say otherwise, right?”

Yahaba stayed silent, fingers digging almost painfully into the concrete of the stairs. That was the most Yahaba has ever heard Kyoutani speak at one time. This is just plain nfair. That’s what this situation was. How can someone be so rude, messy and annoying, then turn around and be the most endearing person Yahaba has ever met? 

“Booties will miss her. He’s our bernese mountain dog. Just a pup,” Kyoutani sighed, removing his chin from his legs and letting them stretch forward, plopping them onto the concrete. 

  
“Are you gonna be… like… okay?” Yahaba winced at his own words. Super smooth, man. It was a bit hard for him to relate, he’s never really had pets. He didn’t know what it was like to lose one. But… he did know what it was like to be stuck alone in a situation.    
  
“Yeah, I guess. After a few drinks.” Kyoutani sighed, tilting his head up to the sky. Yahaba ran his tongue over his front teeth, tasting a little sugar in his gums. He’s gonna say something crazy that might jeopardize his entire life. Okay, well maybe not his  _ entire life _ but it damn well felt like it.   
  
“Wanna go?” Yahaba mumbled, tilting his head down. He felt his bangs brush against his eyelids.   
  
“Huh?” Kyoutani huffed, puffing out another circle of smoke.   
  
“Wanna go for a few drinks?” Yahaba snapped, yanking his hands off the steps and scraping his nail violently. He shoved his arms into a crossed position.  _ Good job Shigeru, make yourself look angry.  _ He inwardly scolded himself.  _ That’ll do ya good. _ _   
_   
“Are you insane?” Kyoutani was staring at him like he’d grown three heads, and maybe he did, because Yahaba didn’t quite know what he was doing either. 

“Maybe,” Was all he said, and Kyoutani’s lip curled up into a disbelieving smile.   
  
“But you’re covered head to toe in goop… and water,”   
  
“Fuck you, it’s 90% water and 10% glucose now.”   
  
“Glucose?”   
  
“That’s why you don’t substitute for AP Science classes,” Yahaba sighed, standing up and stretching arms above his head. He ignored whatever meaningless insult flew out of Kyoutani’s mouth. “Ugh, shut up. I can show you up with chemistry facts at Iwa’s bar. I’ll pick up the tab, too.”   
  
“What’s in it for me? Losing in petty trivia games? Free booze?” Kyoutani quirks an eyebrow at the proposition, crossing his arms over his chest to match Yahaba’s posture.   
  
“What!?” Yahaba spluttered. “I just said I’d learn you a thing  _ and  _ I’ll pick up the tab!? What more could you-?”   
  
“I’m literally fucking with you. You take everything so seriously,” Kyoutani laughed out loud, hoisting himself up and sauntering into the parking lot. “I hope you drove here, cause I am not letting you in my car.”   
  
“You act like I’d let you drive me anywhere.” Yahaba smirked, hopping off the curb and walking towards his own car. He should hate this. Fraternizing with the enemy. He liked it though, he almost found it  _ fun. _

“I hope this doesn’t mean we’re friends now.” Kyoutani said, leaning against the hood of Yahaba’s 2008 Acura MDX. “Also this is an old ass car, please don’t crash it into a wall or something, I doubt it has airbags installed,”   
  
“Excuse you, my driving skills are impeccable  _ and _ the car isn’t even that old,” Yahaba rolled his eyes, slipping off his blazer and wrenching out most of the glucose in the parking spot next to his. He shook some loose droplets off before unlocking his car and chucking the wet article of clothing into the backseat. He dropped himself into the driver’s seat. He was really thankful he had leather seats. “And God no. I fucking hate you.”   
  
“Awe!” Kyoutani said in a fake sing-song voice, sliding in next to him. “Good. I fucking hate you too.”    
  
“Should… Should we…” Yahaba said, taking a pause after slamming his door closed. Kyoutani quirked an eyebrow. “Should we be leaving over a hundred teenagers alone with Watari?” 

“Hm.” Kyoutani hummed. He pushed back his sleeve, glancing at his watch. “Hanamaki and Mattsun will be here in half an hour. He’ll live.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys !!
> 
> I know this is more Yahaba-centric than Kyouhaba BUT they would fall in love in this timeline and au soooooo if you guys like this, I might fuck around and add another chapter/fic to this AU :D
> 
> As always, follow me anywhere as lesbianshibs or neonklucy anywhere !!!


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